Just been reading other moho blogs

I haven't been able to sleep for the last 1 1/2hours, so I finally got up for a very early breakfast (4am). The insomniac thing is a nuisance on occasion.

I was reading A New Light, A New Life's portion called The Reaction (among others that I love to read). I must admit that I was moved. He is such an amazing man, yet he doesn't always consider himself to be so. Such a gutsy thing to come out to your parents, only the most important people in a man's life, who made his life come to fruition.

I've had some amazing experiences recently. So many people and activities that God has been sending to me, to remind me that He loves me still, and so very much.

About 1 month ago, I met this remarkable 50ish lady, a family woman whose children were raised in the LDS faith, a divorcee, a cancer survivor, a healer (kinesthesiology, look it up if you aren't familiar because it is amazing!).
I met her behind the chair (that means that I was cutting her hair).

She's just really opened her heart to me; She's given me 3 kinesthesiology treatments, gotten all of my chakras opened and so on. I am feeling better and better, through our association. I came out to her on the 2nd visit and she was just so very supportive and let me know that she really admired my courage and bravery in doing so.

Yesterday, after our 3rd session; She invited me to this great metaphysical bookstore/coffee shop here in Ogden, that had all of these incredible people there.

What's more is that I knew 2 of the people (customers) that were there; From running around town and doing hair.

One of the ladies is a gray haired older woman with a bob that falls half way between her chin & shoulders that I met last month at The Bookshelf (yes, a bookstore). One of her little money making hobbies is reading Tarot Cards which she is very good at.

Well, she offered to do a mini reading for me. In it she was so very spot on about my new life and now being willing to see things and explore things in my life; Considering their being exactly as they truly are (which I was always taught in church to repent and move forward from, and I now consider to have been to simply pretend it away; Which I've often been very good at doing in spurts).

She congratulated me for being so very authentic and being willing to consider things that I had been struggling with for my entire life's journey, things that I had been very unwilling to accept for a very long time (due to my considering it to be immoral and unworthy).

At one point, she told me that she was "in awe" of me. That was actually pretty overwhelming in it's own right, because people don't usually tell me that (well, perhaps they do, but I just casually blow it off as; They simply must be easily impressed, so whatever. I often dismiss complements such as you look so good with thoughts such as; I have a hideous smile so I can't be that beautiful.). She absolutely insisted that I consider & understand that She Was In Awe of me. She knew that it was important that I not just excuse it blithely, and she even told me so.

It was the most powerful tarot reading I've received over the last, like 10 years.

The last part was the Sun card, and she told me that a lot of people really look up to me (they certainly do when I'm behind the chair), and yet; I frequently have trouble believing or even remembering it.

Most of my life, I've felt that if that person that I was speaking with knew of my twisted perverted yearnings for that man over there, they would think me hideous, evil & yes, untrustworthy. Of course feelings aren't logical and only have the power that we give credence to them, unless they are actual truth.

She explained that people love to be around me. I've many regular clients that love to request that I work on them. When I do, we have all types of positive exchanges discussing many different sorts of things. To people I am a powerful being of light that is very attractive, graceful, charming and just all around marvelous. Of course; I was rather blown away because I'm usually very good at minimizing compliments that I am given (she called me on that in no uncertain terms). I don't want to get a big head or come across as desperate for love after all. Isn't it just stupid how we as human beings are willing to build some distance in relationships that are only offering complete love and acceptance?

That reading indicated that I am now being my most real self possible. That is exactly how I've been living the last several months since Dec 08. I'm currently living (pardon the expression) balls to the wall. That is exactly how I now feel about myself. When I feel prompted to do so, I come out, and if I don't then I don't (no need to cast your pearls before swine lest they rend you asunder).

I keep asking God to help me learn the things that he would have me learn about myself and his will. I just know that when I do that, I have these incredible opportunities to do amazing things; And looking back, I always wonder that I actually did such and such a thing. It just leaves me in awe sometimes. Funny how that works.

Anyrate a fair number of the readers will think me bloody odd with my fascination with the metaphysical (believe me, this is only the tip of the iceberg, as I also practice reiki, herbology, dowsing and feng shui but eschew things such as ouija board (say wee-jee), but I love learning things that God has given our fellow man knowledge of.

The thing that I really find enthralling is that God makes available to us, every needed possibility to find our hearts and to find our future paths which may be entirely different than we could ever have planned or have foreseen.

I am incredibly blessed to have 2 beautiful children sent from heaven, sleeping blissfully in my bed tonight. I have all of the love in the world. What more do I need?