Monday, March 23, 2009

Sometimes It's Just Good To Cry

Lately, I've just been making time out, to find a great movie or amazing soundtrack that allows me to just cry.

Crying helps the body to release stress hormones and the related chemicals that harm your body.

I feel healthier and happier after a good cry. Every so often, I actually make time to do it.

Growing up, I felt the SSA, and many other stresses, but I rarely cried as I thought I didn't need it nor did I want it . I was scared of crying and ashamed to do so (I was ashamed of a few needful and natural things then that I simply had not been educated about) much as I was afraid of a few other things.

I can see that I might have been much healthier, more courageous, etc., if I had realized that it is far healthier to cry on occasion. I wonder how much differently I might have approached life if I'd not been such an avid believer that "boys don't cry".

One soundtrack that I've rediscovered is The Last Samurai. When I started listening to it in my car, Saturday, I just started to bawl. I felt great afterwards.

I have had more people tell me that if you want to live powerfully you need to eliminate the negative from your life including the news and soap operas, etc. To an extent that may be true.

That being said, I have concluded that there is a great deal that is False about that assertion. Some of the most incredible people that I know have had lives with at least occasional trials, pain of loss, etc. Instead of my thinking of them as weak, they are my mentors as I respect and admire all that they have come through.

They are survivors just as God the Father designed us to be. The inspiration that I find from the MoHo's and those that I personally know gives me the courage to go on, and realize, that there are things worthy of a good cry. Conversely, there is so much more that is worthy of a joyful laugh and smile. The last few have just been so very powerful for me in my life.

There So many things that I'm really grateful for.

I'm good friends with my Ex-Wife, Jen, I have some amazing interests (other than sex, which is a whole other topic, LOL), Feng Shui, Reiki (a form of energy work for stress reduction and health improvement), my dear kids, working out (Including Dancing) which also burns up stress and makes me look and feel great in the process, spending time with friends and family, driving a good car (I don't mean expensive when I say good, I mean nice handling, reliable, efficient, entertaining, fun to drive, however I'm trying to say it), going to places with good energy which includes 2 cool book stores I love, the new Reiki group that I've just found and joined, the MoHo group which I've just started attending, and the list goes on.

I really must mention one of my most powerful mentors and friends, My Room mate Nate. He came out last year to his parents. The things that he has been through, etc., just boggles my mind sometimes. He lives passionately, deliberately and with with forethought. He is kind and loving/respectful with others. I actually found him just before (and Jen just before I met him, told me about how impressed she was by him. She described him very well so that I recognized him when I met him), I started coming out. God sent him into my life, for this revolutionary paradigm shift that I'm currently going through.

He and my friend Michael are my main (not the only ones) mentors for how to structure my life now that I am in the process of coming out. For example, I've been learning to live passionately without shame for who and what I am. I am who I am; And I'm working to continue becoming more as God intends for me to become. I've also been learning that sometimes I will be sad, mad, angry, or disappointed and that is a part of life and I can deal with it.

Some of the most recent lessons that I've learned from Michael, is to not go home with a man from the dance club and to not carouse much. Value my emotions, enough not to share myself physically, with someone that has no knowing or love for me.

Nate took me to a safe sex class at the Pride Center in SLC, Saturday. I had a very positive experience learning that you can do anything sexual with a protective barrier. It really is all about respecting yourself. I met some very good people there (which is different from how I used to perceive a lot of homosexual people) Many of us SSA types, really have big hearts, if we don't allow society to break us). I've always been intimidated to go to such things, so I was very grateful for his supporting me in this.

I've also been learning that I can simply hold someone, to feel worthy to be held and cared for (just agape' love/friendship is needed for it to be beneficial). It's very life affirming to simply have someone hold you. Sex isn't required or even a major commitment such as Marriage or anything similar.

Well, my insomnia is wearing out, so I'm ready to go back to bed, again. Today I am starting my seasonal work 430pm-1am, so I won't be around during the evenings. That will be an adjustment, as will wearing glasses which I should receive this week (I hope the glasses look sexy on me!).

1 comment:

  1. Sounds like all positives. Congratulations, that's great. And I love The Last Samurai soundtrack too!

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